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Despair.com is “must-surf” web entertainment only if you’re sick and tired of your boss’s constant attempts to motivate you; or if “you’ve had it up to here” with the constant barrage of motivational posters, pens and calendars; or, if you really want the 4-1-1 on how to make workplace drudgery cool and sexy.
Ostensibly, Despair is the marketing website for Despair, Inc., a corporate, de-motivational company founded by Dr. E.L. Kersten. We say ostensibly because it is not certain if this is just a tongue-in-cheek mock of the corporate, motivational industry or if it is a real, ongoing concern by the good doctor for increasing the amount of despair in our daily lives. Consistent with the Despair, Inc.’s corporate image of inattention and uncaring, no one has returned our queries for an interview.
This is the era of corporate outsourcing, employee downsizing, and reductions in employee benefits. Amidst all that chaos, who wouldn’t want to stand for a moment before the framed image of the mesmerizing, concentric circles of solitary drop suspended above placid water, or of a mountain peak, or of a majestic, soaring eagle? Who wouldn’t want to breathe in the peace that these images bring to an otherwise hectic, frustrating, rat racy day? Who wouldn’t want to accept the subliminal suggestion behind the catch-phrases carefully penned beneath each perfect image?
Dr. E.L. Kersten, that is who. For one moment, imagine Tony Robbins. Now imagine his energy and his message. Now imagine someone 180 degrees opposite of him, his energy, his message. Then take that down “about a thousand.” That’s Dr. E.L. Kersten. That is his message of Despair.
It is one thing to mock the smarmy motivational posters (excuse me, “lithographs”) present in just about every single possible business establishment in the industrialized world, (including, we kid you not– our local junk yard). It is a whole ‘nother thing entirely to wage war against the multibillion dollar, employee productivity enhancement industry. An old advertising slogan for Smuckers, purveyors of jellies and jams boldly states: “With a name like Smuckers, it has to be good.”
Dr. Kersten may be on to something. Because he’s that good.
Dr. E.L. Kersten wants to hand you back your dignity. Or at least your sense of desperation. All you have to do is read his catalog and order his calendars, or books or motivational wall hangings. Your money, added to the legions of others will set him free.
On the .com Dish! site surfin’ scale, Despair rates a “T” for Teens and above. Why? Because a wise teacher once told me that sarcasm has no place in the education of a child.
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